How to Handle Toddler Hitting and Biting at Home or Daycare

The first time my toddler bit another child, I wanted the ground to just swallow me whole.

We were at a playdate. Everything was going fine—snacks, blocks, “sharing” (kind of)—and then, out of nowhere, my child leaned in and chomped on their little friend’s arm. The other child screamed, my toddler looked shocked, and every adult in the room froze for a second.

My face went hot. A thousand thoughts rushed in :

• “What did I do wrong ?”
• “Is my kid mean ?”
• “What will this mom think of me ?”

On the way home, I cried. When I searched How to Handle Toddler Hitting and Biting, I found everything from “discipline harder” to “it’s just a phase.” None of it felt like enough. I wanted to protect both kids, teach my toddler better behavior, and still be a kind, connected parent.

If you’re here because your toddler hits, bites, or pushes—and you feel embarrassed, worried, or totally overwhelmed—I just want you to know: I’ve been there, too.

Hitting and biting are very common in toddlers. They aren’t a sign that your child is “bad” or that you’re failing. They’re a sign that your child has big feelings and very few tools to handle them yet.

In this post, we’ll walk through calm, practical steps you can use right away—at home and at daycare—to keep everyone safe, teach better behavior, and still protect your relationship with your child. 💛

1. First, Know This : Hitting and Biting Are (Annoyingly) Normal

Before we talk about strategies, let’s take a tiny bit of pressure off your heart.

Many experts say that aggressive behaviors like hitting and biting are common between ages 1 and 3, when toddlers are still developing language and self-control. Research even shows that biting is a typical part of early childhood and is often a phase most kids outgrow as their communication and coping skills improve.

Some helpful reminders :

• Toddlers don’t have mature impulse control.
• Their words lag behind their feelings.
• They’re experimenting: “What happens if I do this ?”
• They’re not trying to “be bad”—they’re overwhelmed.

This doesn’t mean we ignore the behavior. It just means we can respond from a place of :

“You’re having a hard time,” not “You are a problem.”

That mindset shift alone can help you stay calmer in the moment.

2. What to Do In the Moment When Your Toddler Hits or Bites

Let’s talk about those intense seconds right after it happens—whether it’s at home with a sibling or at daycare pick-up when you get “the look” from a teacher.

Step 1 : Stay as calm as you can

Your toddler’s nervous system is already overwhelmed. If you explode, it adds fuel to the fire.

Try to :

• Keep your voice low and firm.
• Use short phrases, not lectures.
• Breathe slowly (even if you’re faking it at first).

You can say to yourself :

“This is not an emergency. I can handle this.”

Step 2 : Stop the behavior immediately

Move quickly but gently.

• Step between kids if needed.
• Gently hold your toddler’s hands or body to block more hitting/biting.

Use a calm, clear statement :

• “No hitting. Hitting hurts.”
• “No biting. Biting hurts.”

Short and simple is best. Their brain can’t handle a TED Talk in that moment.

Step 3 : Focus on the child who was hurt

This part matters a lot.

• Comfort the hurt child first.
• Check for injuries (especially with bites, because little teeth can do real damage).
• Use simple empathy language :
  • “You’re crying because that really hurt.”

This shows :

• Your toddler that hurting others matters.
• The other child (and their parent/teacher) that you take it seriously.

Step 4 : Briefly remove your toddler from the situation

If your child is still escalated, calmly move them away :

• “You’re having a hard time being gentle. We’re taking a break.”

This isn’t about shaming or punishing—it’s about giving them space to calm down and preventing more harm. Think of it more like a reset than an old-school “go sit in the corner and feel bad.”

You can sit with them quietly, hold them if they want, or just stay nearby so they know they’re not “banished.”

3. What Not to Do (Even If You’re Tempted)

When your child hits or bites, especially in public, your brain might scream :

“DO SOMETHING BIG SO THEY NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.”

Totally normal. But some common reactions actually backfire.

Don’t hit or bite back

Some people still say, “Bite them back so they learn.” Absolutely not.

Experts are very clear : biting or hitting a child to “teach them a lesson” models the exact behavior you’re trying to stop and can increase aggression over time.

Don’t shame or label

Avoid :

• “You’re a bad boy/girl.”
• “You’re a bully.”
• “Nobody will want to play with you if you do that.”

These comments attack who they are, not what they did, and can lead to shame and low self-esteem.

Instead, focus on the behavior :

“Hitting is not okay. I won’t let you hit.”

Don’t force a fake apology

Toddlers are usually too upset in the moment to give a sincere “sorry.”

You can model repair by saying you’re sorry to the hurt child and encouraging your toddler to help later when they’re calmer (a hug, a picture, a gentle “sorry” if they’re ready).

4. After Things Calm Down : Teach, Don’t Lecture

Once everyone is calmer (this might be 5 minutes later, or after lunch, or even after daycare pick-up), then you can teach.

Keep it short and simple :

1. Name what happened
   • “You bit Sam when he took your truck.”
2. Name the feeling
   • “You were mad and frustrated.”
3. Name the impact
   • “Biting hurt him and made him cry.”
4. Teach an alternative
   • “Next time, you can say, ‘That’s mine,’ or come get a grown-up instead of biting.”

You can even role-play a tiny scene :

“Let’s practice. I’ll be Sam. I take your truck… what can you say?”

Make it playful—toddlers learn through repetition and games, not lectures.

5. Teach Your Toddler Better Tools for Big Feelings

A lot of toddler hitting and biting comes from big emotions boiling over with no words to express them.

Build emotional vocabulary

Throughout the day (not just after hitting/biting), label feelings :

• “You look frustrated. The block tower keeps falling.”
• “You’re mad because you want more screen time.”
• “You’re sad Daddy left for work.”

Over time, they start to connect :

“Oh, this tight, hot feeling is mad or frustrated.”

Kids who can name their feelings are more likely to talk than hit.

Practice simple “stop” scripts

Teach phrases like :

• “Stop!”
• “That’s mine.”
• “No push.”
• “I don’t like that.”
• “Help please, Mama.”

Practice with stuffed animals or during play :

“The bear is pushing the bunny. What can the bunny say ?”

You’re literally giving them replacement behaviors.

6. Look for Triggers and Patterns

Toddlers rarely hit or bite “out of nowhere”—even if it feels like it.

Start noticing :

• When does it usually happen?
  • Right before nap? During transitions? At daycare pickup?
• Where does it happen most?
  • Playdates? Sibling play? Crowded places?
• Why might it be happening?
  • Tired, hungry, overstimulated, teething, overwhelmed, wanting attention?

Experts often encourage parents to track triggers, because understanding why the biting or hitting happens makes it much easier to prevent.

Once you spot a pattern, you can :

• Offer snacks before playdates.
• Shorten outings if meltdowns always happen at the end.
• Give warnings before transitions: “5 more minutes, then we leave.”
• Build in quiet time if daycare seems overwhelming.

You’re not excusing the behavior—you’re setting your child up for success.

7. Working with Daycare or Preschool

If the hitting or biting is happening at daycare, you might feel extra anxious—especially if there are notes home or worried calls from teachers.

Remember: daycare staff have seen it all. This is not the first toddler they’ve had who bites or hits.

Questions to ask your child’s caregivers

• “When does it usually happen—morning or afternoon?”
• “What tends to happen right before the hitting/biting?”
• “Are there certain kids, toys, or activities that trigger it more?”
• “How do you respond in the moment?”

Work as a team to create simple, consistent responses both at daycare and at home.

For example, you might agree on :

• The same “No hitting, hitting hurts” phrase.
• Short breaks from overstimulating activities when your child gets wound up.
• Extra praise for gentle hands, sharing, or using words.

It can also help to let daycare know what you’re practicing at home (like “stop” scripts), so they can reinforce it.

8. Positive Attention : Catch Them Being Gentle

Toddlers love attention. If they only get big reactions when they hit or bite, their brain learns:

“This is how I get everyone to look at me.”

So we flip that script.

Give lots of attention to the behavior you want more of

Whenever you see your toddler :

• touching gently
• sharing a toy
• using words instead of hands
• walking away instead of pushing

…name it and praise it :

• “You used such gentle hands with the baby. That was kind.”
• “You said ‘stop’ instead of hitting. I’m so proud of you for using your words.”
• “You walked away when you were mad. That was a smart choice.”

This helps wire their brain to repeat the positive behavior, not just the negative.

9. A Note from the Experts : Why Calm, Non-Punitive Discipline Matters

You might be wondering :

“But shouldn’t there be a strong punishment so they learn it’s serious?”

Here’s what many pediatric and mental health experts say :

• Hitting or biting a child back, or using harsh physical punishment, is linked with more aggression and behavior problems over time—not less.
• Calm, consistent limits plus teaching and emotional support lead to better self-control and mental health in the long run.

In other words, your gentle-but-firm responses are not “too soft.” They are exactly what your child’s developing brain needs to learn healthier ways to handle frustration.

10. When to Seek Extra Help

Most toddlers go through hitting or biting phases that gradually fade as they grow. But there are times when it makes sense to talk to a professional.

Reach out to your pediatrician or a child behavior specialist if :

• the hitting/biting is very frequent or severe
• it continues past early preschool years
• your child seems unusually angry, anxious, or withdrawn
• daycare is threatening expulsion or is very concerned
• you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or scared by their behavior

Many organizations (like Zero to Three, major children’s hospitals, and pediatric clinics) recommend getting support early if you’re worried—it’s not a failure, it’s a smart parenting move.

Encouragement : You’re Not Raising a “Bad Kid” 💛

Mama, if you’ve gotten “the call” from daycare, or your toddler has left teeth marks on a friend, or you’ve been hit in the face more times than you can count—you are not alone.

Hitting and biting are hard to deal with. They poke at all our fears : about being judged, about our child’s future, about whether we’re doing enough.

But here’s what I want you to hold onto :

• Your child is not a “bad kid.” They’re a little human still learning how to handle big feelings.
• You’re not a bad mom because you’re still figuring this out. Every loving parent is.
• Every time you calmly stop the behavior, comfort the hurt child, and teach a better way later, you are building your toddler’s future self-control and empathy.

Change won’t happen overnight. But small, consistent steps—one calm response, one gentle “No biting, biting hurts,” one “Use your words instead of your hands”—really do add up.

You and your toddler are learning together, and that absolutely counts. 🌼

Let’s Support Each Other

I’d love to hear from you :

👉 What’s the hardest situation for you when it comes to toddler hitting or biting—siblings, daycare, playdates, something else?

Share it in the comments, and if you’d like, tell me what you usually say or do. I’m happy to help you brainstorm a calm response or simple script you can try next time. 💬

And if you want more gentle discipline tips, toddler behavior guides, and cozy mom-to-mom encouragement straight to your inbox, don’t forget to join my email list. We’re figuring this out together, one tiny bite-sized (pun intended 😉) step at a time. 💌