Teaching Toddlers to Share and Take Turns (Realistic Expectations)

If you’ve ever hosted a toddler playdate, you already know how this story goes.

The kids walk in, everyone is smiling, you’ve laid out snacks, and you picture them happily playing with blocks while you sip coffee with your friend.

And then…

Your toddler spots another child holding their favorite truck.
Their whole body stiffens.
They march over, grab it, and yell the word every mom knows too well :

“MINE!”

Suddenly you’re in the middle of a toy tug-of-war, two crying kids, and a wave of mom-guilt:

• “Why can’t my child just share ?”
• “Is everyone judging my parenting right now ?”
• “Do I step in? Force them? Grab another toy? End the playdate ?”

I’ve been there, too. It’s stressful, awkward, and honestly a little heartbreaking when you see your sweet toddler turn into a tiny dragon over a plastic truck.

Here’s the thing most of us weren’t told: Teaching Toddlers to Share and Take Turns isn’t about getting a 2- or 3-year-old to happily give away their toys on command. At this age, their brains are still learning :

• what “mine” and “yours” even mean
• that other people have feelings
• that if they let go of something, they can get it back

So no, your child isn’t “selfish” or “bad at sharing.” They’re just… little.

In this post, we’ll talk about what’s realistic by age, how to use “taking turns” instead of forcing sharing, and simple scripts you can use during real-life playdates so you feel a little more confident (and a lot less alone). 💛

1. What’s Realistic ? Understanding Sharing by Age

Before we jump into strategies, it helps to know what’s developmentally normal.

Under 2 : Parallel Play

At this age, most little ones :

• play next to other kids, not really with them (this is called parallel play)
• don’t understand sharing or ownership the way older children do
• can start simple turn-taking with a parent (like rolling a ball back and forth)

Expecting “Please share your toy truck with your friend” to go smoothly at 18 months is like expecting them to read a chapter book. They’re just not there yet.

Ages 2–3 : With Help, Not Alone

Between 2 and 3, toddlers :

• are very attached to the idea of “mine”
• are starting to notice other kids more
• can begin guided turn-taking with lots of adult support

This is when you can start using language like, “It’s your turn. Then it will be Maya’s turn.” But you’ll still need to step in, scaffold, and support.

Ages 3–4 : Starting to “Get It”

Around 3–4 years old, many kids :

• move into more cooperative play (playing together, not just side by side)
• start understanding basic fairness
• can wait a short time for a turn with practice

This is a great age to introduce very simple board games and more structured turn-taking activities.

Ages 5 and up : More Natural Sharing

By age 5 and beyond, most kids :

• have more patience
• understand other people’s feelings better
• can share and take turns with much less adult involvement

Of course, every child is different—but overall, the skill of sharing develops over years, not weeks. Early childhood experts emphasize that toddlers are still developing “theory of mind”—the ability to understand that other people have their own thoughts and feelings—so expecting them to share generously all the time is unrealistic.

You’re not behind, mama. You’re just in the messy middle of development.

2. Think “Take Turns,” Not “Share”

For young kids, “share” can feel vague and scary—like,

“If I give it to you, do I ever get it back?”

“Take turns” is much clearer because it promises:

“I’ll have a turn, then you’ll have a turn, then I’ll get it back.”

How to phrase it

Instead of :

• “You need to share your truck.”

Try :

• “It’s your turn with the truck right now. When you’re done, it will be Leo’s turn.”
• “You can have 2 more minutes with the doll, then it’s your cousin’s turn.”

This reassures your toddler that they’re not losing their beloved toy forever.

Use simple, consistent scripts

You can repeat phrases like :

• “First your turn, then their turn.”
• “You’re not done yet. When you’re done, we’ll pass it.”
• “Let’s make a plan so everyone gets a turn.”

It may feel repetitive to you, but repetition is exactly what helps toddlers learn.

3. Use a Visual Timer to Avoid Being the “Bad Guy”

Toddlers don’t really understand phrases like “just a minute.” A minute feels like forever.

A visual timer (like a sand timer, kitchen timer, or app with a colored countdown) makes turn-taking more concrete and less emotional.

How to use it

• Hand your child the toy and say, “Here’s your turn. When the sand is all at the bottom, it will be Sam’s turn.”
• Let them see the sand or color moving.
• When time is up, gently follow through: “The sand is done. That means it’s Sam’s turn now. You’ll get another turn after.”

You’re not arbitrarily deciding “because I said so.” The timer becomes the neutral party, and you become the calm guide.

Many parenting and early-childhood resources recommend timers for helping kids manage transitions and turn-taking because they make abstract time more visual and predictable.

4. Prep Before Playdates (So You’re Not Managing Meltdowns the Whole Time)

A little preparation before friends arrive can prevent a lot of drama.

Put away “special” toys

Before the playdate, say something like :

“Which toys are very special to you today—ones you don’t want to take turns with?”

Let your toddler :

• choose 1–3 “special” items
• put them away in their room or a closet

Explain :

“These will stay safe in your room. The other toys will be for taking turns with our friends.”

This gives them some control and makes it easier for them to handle sharing the rest.

Set simple expectations

Right before the friend arrives, calmly say :

• “When our friends come, we’ll practice taking turns.”
• “If you want a toy someone else has, you can say, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’”

You’re not giving a lecture—just planting the idea.

5. Narrate and Validate Their Feelings in the Moment

When your toddler has to wait or give up a toy, it is hard for them. Instead of jumping straight to “Be nice” or “Don’t grab,” try acknowledging what’s going on inside.

Simple validation phrases

• “I see you’re sad that it’s not your turn with the truck right now.”
• “You really want that doll. It’s hard to wait.”
• “You’re frustrated because your friend has the toy you like.”

You can still hold the boundary :

• “It’s okay to feel mad. It’s not okay to grab. Let’s try again.”

Research on emotional coaching suggests that when parents validate feelings and then guide behavior, children develop better emotional regulation and social skills than when feelings are ignored or punished.

Your toddler needs to know :

• their feelings are valid
• their actions still have limits

You’re teaching both at the same time.

6. Practice Turn-Taking in Calm, Everyday Moments

It’s much easier for toddlers to learn new skills when they’re calm, not mid-meltdown.

Everyday practice ideas

You can build turn-taking into daily life :

• Rolling a ball :
  • “My turn to roll… now your turn.”
• Stacking blocks :
  • “You put one… now I put one.”
• Putting toys away :
  • “You pick a toy, now I pick a toy.”
• Talking at the table :
  • “It’s your turn to talk. Then it’ll be my turn.”

You’re wiring the idea that :

“We take turns. You get a turn, I get a turn. Everyone gets included.”

As kids get older, simple board games (like matching games, Chutes and Ladders, or rolling dice) are great turn-taking teachers because the order of turns is built into the game.

Research on play-based learning shows that games and shared activities help kids practice patience, cooperation, and self-control in a fun, low-pressure way.

7. Model Sharing and Taking Turns Yourself

Our kids watch us more than they listen to us. One of the best ways to teach sharing is to model it in your everyday interactions.

Ways to model

• With another adult :
  • “I’m sharing my snack with Daddy.”
  • “It’s Daddy’s turn to talk; then it’s mine.”
• With your child :
  • “Would you like a turn stirring the batter?”
  • “Can I have a turn with that crayon when you’re finished?”
  • “You’ve had a turn with the ball. Now I’d like a turn, and then it’s back to you.”

You can narrate as you go :

• “I’m taking turns with the remote.”
• “We’re sharing the blanket.”

You’re turning abstract social rules into simple, live demonstrations they can copy later.

8. Teach Simple Problem-Solving Phrases

Instead of always stepping in to fix every conflict, you can slowly start giving your toddler words to try.

Easy phrases to teach

• “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”
• “You can have it next.”
• “Let’s play together.”

At first, you’ll say it for them or with them :

“You really want that toy. Let’s say, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’”

Then, as they grow, they’ll begin to use those phrases on their own.

You can also gently guide problem-solving :

• “How can we make sure both of you get a turn?”
• “We have one truck and two kids. What are our choices?”
  • “We can take turns.”
  • “We can find another toy.”

You’re teaching that conflicts aren’t disasters—they’re problems that can be solved.

9. Celebrate the Small Wins (Even If It Wasn’t Perfect)

It’s easy to notice every time your child doesn’t share. Let’s flip that script and look for moments—no matter how tiny—where they do something kind or patient.

Specific praise works best

Instead of just “Good job,” try :

• “I noticed you let Mia have a turn with the swing. That was really kind.”
• “You waited for your turn with the slide. That was hard, and you did it.”
• “You asked, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’ I’m proud of you for using your words.”

Specific praise helps your child connect their behavior to your positive feedback, and research suggests that reinforcing prosocial behaviors like sharing and turn-taking increases the chance kids will repeat those behaviors.

You’re telling them :

“I see you. I see your effort. This is who you’re becoming.”

And honestly? It helps you feel better too, because you start to notice the progress instead of only the chaos.

10. When You Feel Embarrassed or Judged (Especially in Public)

Let’s be rea l: half the stress around sharing comes from feeling watched. The other parent. The grandparents. The strangers at the park.

Here’s your reminder :

• Toddlers grabbing toys is normal.
• Struggling to share at 2 or 3 is developmentally expected.
• Your child having a hard moment is not a report card on your parenting.

If you feel that wave of heat and shame rise up, try quietly telling yourself:

• “This is normal toddler behavior.”
• “I can support my child without shaming them.”
• “We’re both learning.”

Then focus on your child—not on the imaginary audience.

If you feel like explaining, you can keep it simple:

“We’re practicing taking turns. It’s a work in progress at this age.”

Most reasonable adults get it. And the ones who don’t? They’re not your people.

Encouragement : It’s a Long Game, Not a One-Week Lesson 💛

Mama, if every playdate feels like a tug-of-war festival… you are not alone. Teaching Toddlers to Share and Take Turns is less like flipping a switch and more like planting a garden.

You:

• model
• remind
• repeat
• reset

And slowly—so slowly you might not notice at first—things begin to shift:

• a “MINE!” becomes “My turn!”
• a grab becomes “Can I have it next?”
• a meltdown becomes a brief pout followed by moving on to something else

You won’t handle every moment perfectly. Neither will they. But every time you stay calm(ish), use “take turns” language, validate their feelings, and celebrate the tiny wins, you’re building their future social and emotional skills.

You’re doing more than you think, even on the days that feel like a disaster. Truly. 🌼

Your Turn (See What I Did There? 😄)

I’d love to hear from you :

👉 What’s the hardest part for you when it comes to Teaching Toddlers to Share and Take Turns—playdates, siblings, public spaces, something else?

And if you’ve found a phrase, game, or trick that helped even a little, share it in the comments—another mama may be desperately looking for exactly that idea today. 💬

If you’d like more gentle discipline tips, toddler emotion support, and cozy encouragement straight to your inbox, don’t forget to join my email list. We’re learning this sharing-and-turn-taking thing together, one tiny turn at a time. 💌